Is it too soon for sex?

Whether you’re planning to pop your cherry with the love of your life or you’re adding another notch to a well-scarred bedpost, it can be tricky to know how soon is too soon when it comes to sex. Unfortunately there are no neat little guidelines for deciding when the time is right to do the deed and the circumstances will vary from relationship to relationship.

In this clip from Selfies, Sarah-Jane admits that she loves sex. Usually she picks up guys at a bar, or hooks up with guys who are “friends with benefits”. Sarah-Jane says she’s just satisfying her female urges, and there's nothing to be ashamed of but would she be ready to settle if the right guy came along? Check out the full short on All 4.

Great Sexpectations

So you're thinking about taking your first steps into the mysterious world of nookie, but are you really ready to go all the way? Here are some things to consider before you wave goodbye to your cherry forever...

Me, me, me

Having sex with someone can be a big deal (especially if it’s your first time) so it’s important to make sure you’re doing it for the right reasons. Ask yourself, are you doing this for you or to please someone else? If the answer’s anything other than “me, me, me” then you might want hold fire until you’re ready.

Peer pressure

Whether it’s your mates bragging about the ridiculous amounts of sex they’re having or it’s the media suggesting everyone’s getting laid, it can sometime feel like the whole world’s getting it on without you. In reality, everyone else ISN’T always getting jiggy with it. People tend to lie about how much sex they’re getting (especially about losing their virginity) and, the truth is, even when they are getting some, it’s probably nowhere near as often or amazing as they say it is.

It’s OK to say no

Even if everyone around you is bumping uglies with careless abandon, it doesn’t mean you have to as well – you’re perfectly entitled to hold out until you feel ready. Whether you’re waiting for love, you’re not sure if you fancy someone or you’re taking a break from the bonking for a while, it’s cool to keep your clothes on.

Consent

Sex is not compulsory and no one has the right to sleep with you. Any kind of sexual activity has to be a joint decision – something you both agree to rather than something you feel obliged to do or are forced into doing. Consenting to sex means both parties being in control enough to do so. In other words you have to be ready, willing and sober enough to make the choice.

Get protected

Whether you’ve planned the big event with military precision or you’ve found yourself swept-up in a spontaneous sexual encounter, it pays to be prepared. Always make sure there are condoms to hand and insist on using them (even for a one-night-stand). Remember, whilst lots of contraceptives stop you getting pregnant, only condoms can protect you from STIs. Forgetting to rubber-up could leave you with far worse souvenirs than the memories of a cheeky fumble.

Slip-ups

If you’ve done the deed but you weren’t protected, don’t panic. The key is to take action and not to bury your head in the sand, hoping the problem will go away. Sort out some emergency contraception and think about getting an STI test to put your mind at rest. The morning after pill is available for free from your GP or from your local family planning clinic, GUM clinic, sexual health clinic or Brook Centre. You can find your nearest one by using the Brook or NHS Choices websites.