Can you really stay mates with your ex?

Your romance has withered, the spark has gone and you’ve decided to call it a day. So you’re in the thick of the big break-up speech and it’s all getting totes emosh when one of you drops the bombshell:

“But we can still be friends, right?”

Riiiiight. Whilst it’s easy to say yes in the heat of the moment, the practicalities of making this work are far trickier than they seem.

In the clip above from Made in Chelsea: Normal for Chelsea, the gang discuss their friendship and try to get to the bottom of whether you can stay friends with your ex (or indeed your buddy's ex)! Want more insight from the residents of SW3? Check out the whole series over on All 4.

The Ex Factor

Whilst nobody is saying you can't be friends with a past love, you should probably anticipate a bit of a bumpy ride. Check out our things to consider below before your ex becomes the BFF from hell.

Does ‘friend’ mean the same thing to both of you?

Staying friends might seem like a great idea but trouble could be brewing if your idea of friendship is different to theirs. Whilst one of you might be cool with just hanging out, checking in and doing matesy stuff, the other might be holding out hope for a big romantic reunion. In this situation, whether you’re the platonic partner or the infatuated hopeful, things are going to get awkward. If you’re going to attempt to stay mates, be as honest and open as you can about what you’re expecting from your friendship and be prepared to call it quits if you don’t like where it’s heading.

Are you prepared to watch each other move on?

Staying friends means sooner or later, you’re going to have to watch each other begin relationships with new people. If your ex finds love before you do, can you cope with seeing them with someone else? If you find love first, do you really want your old flame to still be in the picture? What’s more, will your crush want them there either? Whether you want to avoid unnecessary pain or you just don’t fancy the weirdness, there is a very strong argument for going your separate ways.

Kindness or curse?

By keeping your ex in your life (or vice versa) you might think you’re doing each other a favour by softening the blow of the split. In reality you might be making the healing process harder. Making a clean break of it will mean that you can both move on, finding new people or enjoying the single life for a bit. Having a constant reminder of what you used to have is only going to confuse your feelings and make it more difficult to get perspective on what went wrong.

Getting some distance between you

Even though the odds of a successful friendship with your ex are stacked against you, some people can and do make it work. It’s still probably a good idea to take some time apart for a while before you decide if you want to give friendship a go. If you do decide to go for it, make sure you both know what you’re getting yourself into.