Is it worth risking a friendship over a crush?

The golden rule of any good friendship is that you shouldn’t stray into a friend’s romantic turf. But sometimes the heart can overrules the head and, if your surging hormones get thrown into the mix, they can demand to be listened to. The simplest advice is “don’t go there”. But we all know in reality that things are never simple.

Whilst there is no consequence-free way of making a move on a mate’s love interest, there are ways you can approach it that will minimise the damage and increase your chances of coming out of it with some sort of friendship intact.

In the clip above from Youngers, Jay and Davina struggle to keep their feelings in check without hurting Jay’s best friend Yemi. Want to get to know the Youngers crew better? Catch all the episodes on All 4.

Randy crush saga?

Depending on just how involved your mate is with the object of your affection, you might need to approach the situation differently...

The crush

Your BFF’s legs are turning to jelly over a total hottie. The only snag is that you’ve got them in your sights too. Neither of you have made a move so what should you do? The easiest thing to do for a stress-free life is to steer well clear and let your friend have their shot. If you can’t walk away, be honest about how you feel. Keeping your emotions bottled up could lead to simmering resentment, which could derail your friendship anyway. Talk to your mate and see how they react – they might agree that you should both back off for the sake or your friendship or they might even give you their blessing to try your luck too. Beware though, your refreshing honesty doesn’t mean they’re going to be happy about it!

The partner

If you’re having palpitations over someone your mate is actually involved with then you’re in another league of betrayal entirely. To be honest, this really is a no-go zone if you want to have any hope of saving your friendship. The best thing is to step away and let things run their course without getting involved and, if the relationship really isn’t working, chances are it will fall apart all by itself. If you and you friend’s other half are so infatuated with each other that you really can’t bear to be apart, you should do the decent thing and come clean to your mate about your feelings BEFORE things start to get physical.

The ex

Making a move on a friend’s ex is seriously tricky territory. A lot depends on how long they were together, how serious they were and the circumstances of the break-up. Whilst you’re not technically doing anything wrong here, your friend may well feel like you’re sticking the knife in by dating their ex, particularly if they were together a long time. Again, the simplest thing is to not go there at all. If you’re determined to go through with it, give it some time to let the dust settle after the break-up as you don’t want your friend to feel like you’re rubbing salt into a raw wound. This will also give you some time to think about whether this is something you really want. If the answer is yes, then it’s time to sit down with your buddy and have ‘the talk’. Share your feelings, see how they react and then decide if you still want to go through with it.

Is your friendship worth the risk?

At the end of the day, you’ve got to weigh up whether your crush is worth risking your friendship over. Is there really the possibility of something serious or are you throwing things away for a fling? If you do go through with it think about how you can do the least damage. Being-up front and honest about your feelings will probably cause less pain than secrecy or betrayal.